Growing Still at 33?
Well not physically growing anyways. I stopped doing that when I was like 15 or 16. Mentally and as a person though I think this past year has been the biggest growth year for me since I was maybe 25 or 26.
I can say it has not been just one thing, one experience or one moment that has made this year a big change for me. I'm sure it's a combination of getting married, continuing to cope with the loss of my step daughter, trying to help my wife cope, helping a friend work on his life and turn it around, and working on trying to transition to a new career.
I mentioned that the last time I felt this growth was when I was 25-26 years old. That is when I bought my house, moved in with my girlfriend (now wife), became a landlord, and went back to school for a class and used that class to get my first newspaper reporting job. That was a lot to do in a year or so span and I became a different person because of it. I feel like this is the first year span since then that I see similar growth.
So what do I mean by growing and changing? I feel like I am now more confident in who I am as a man and a person. It's not a 100% thing, I think that is pretty rare to get 100% confidence and I probably wouldn't want the hubris ego that must go along with that kind of confidence. That being said I don't feel like people are better than me anymore. I used to struggle with that, I grew up poor and in a trailer park. I always felt like others could see that about me and it put me down in my mind right off the bat. I've come to realize that everyone has dealt with something and those who haven't are not better for it, they are worse for being stagnant and not having lived any hardships.
I think another way I've changed this past year is I don't like excuses anymore. I used to have excuses for why I wasn't doing something or why stuff wasn't going my way. I may have called these excuses "reasons" but that is a lie and at the time you can't see it's a lie but it is. I feel like I've figured that out.
What's next in this growth change thing I'm going through? I think it's getting my career on track. No more bullshit. I have to wait now for NY State to let me know if I can start a Private Investigator business here. Maybe a few years ago waiting a few months to know this wouldn't have been that big of a deal. Hell I've been really waiting almost two years and then some with all of the paperwork and waiting, and more paperwork, and waiting. Right now though this waiting feels stunting. If it goes my way then great, I will put 100% in to making this successful and I will do it. If they deny me, it may be time to move on from NY. That is what myself and my family have to figure out if it goes that way though. No more excuses though.
To conclude this blog, I don't want you to think that I think I have it all figured out now cause I don't. I'm sure I will look back on this five years from now at 38 and think "Man I was stupid". I will continue though to try to grow and have more years like this, cause at this point I realize you can never get time back. It keeps trudging along and eventually it runs out. I want to do everything I want to do before that clock runs down to zero.
I can say it has not been just one thing, one experience or one moment that has made this year a big change for me. I'm sure it's a combination of getting married, continuing to cope with the loss of my step daughter, trying to help my wife cope, helping a friend work on his life and turn it around, and working on trying to transition to a new career.
I mentioned that the last time I felt this growth was when I was 25-26 years old. That is when I bought my house, moved in with my girlfriend (now wife), became a landlord, and went back to school for a class and used that class to get my first newspaper reporting job. That was a lot to do in a year or so span and I became a different person because of it. I feel like this is the first year span since then that I see similar growth.
So what do I mean by growing and changing? I feel like I am now more confident in who I am as a man and a person. It's not a 100% thing, I think that is pretty rare to get 100% confidence and I probably wouldn't want the hubris ego that must go along with that kind of confidence. That being said I don't feel like people are better than me anymore. I used to struggle with that, I grew up poor and in a trailer park. I always felt like others could see that about me and it put me down in my mind right off the bat. I've come to realize that everyone has dealt with something and those who haven't are not better for it, they are worse for being stagnant and not having lived any hardships.
I think another way I've changed this past year is I don't like excuses anymore. I used to have excuses for why I wasn't doing something or why stuff wasn't going my way. I may have called these excuses "reasons" but that is a lie and at the time you can't see it's a lie but it is. I feel like I've figured that out.
What's next in this growth change thing I'm going through? I think it's getting my career on track. No more bullshit. I have to wait now for NY State to let me know if I can start a Private Investigator business here. Maybe a few years ago waiting a few months to know this wouldn't have been that big of a deal. Hell I've been really waiting almost two years and then some with all of the paperwork and waiting, and more paperwork, and waiting. Right now though this waiting feels stunting. If it goes my way then great, I will put 100% in to making this successful and I will do it. If they deny me, it may be time to move on from NY. That is what myself and my family have to figure out if it goes that way though. No more excuses though.
To conclude this blog, I don't want you to think that I think I have it all figured out now cause I don't. I'm sure I will look back on this five years from now at 38 and think "Man I was stupid". I will continue though to try to grow and have more years like this, cause at this point I realize you can never get time back. It keeps trudging along and eventually it runs out. I want to do everything I want to do before that clock runs down to zero.
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